“Marriages are made in heaven” but the fact is they require work, effort and continual nourishment to be made a success. It means giving yourself and all you can in this God given responsibility as they say “till death do us apart”

COMMITMENT:

Commitment means you’ve promised to stay and work it through, not just today but forever.  Commitment means not only making a choice but it is making a choice to give up choices and we don’t like to give up options in life, this simple truth explains why marriages can be so difficult. Although this might at first sound limiting, it actually brings great freedom and depth. No longer does the committed person need to weigh which person or way of life will bring more happiness. Once committed, all one’s energy goes into making this commitment work; no longer are other possibilities a distraction

Great marriages are based on a deep commitment that casts aside all options but one….More and more couples fear committing in marriage because they have seen so many marriages fail.

“It’s easy to be committed to your relationship when it’s going well but when the road gets tough it’s the I WILL  attitude that makes it work. The attitude should be ‘I’m totally committed to this marriage and committed to doing what it takes to make this relationship work.’

COMMUNICATION:

• It is the foundation of not only any marriage but any relationship. Communicating with love and patience and truth is the basis of all good marriages. How often do the couples tune each other out? In our fast paced lives we have lost the zeal to spend time listening and chatting with each other. Media and cell phones have taken over .Media and texting can never compare to the closeness of one to one communication and texting is often misunderstood and can cause misunderstandings due to miscommunication and the inability to see the emotional reaction of the recipient. Many problems in marriage can be resolved with a honest communication. I have often told many couples in therapy that many more useful solutions exist, beginning with honest communication about the seriousness of one’s feelings. In another blog I am going to write about why texting is the most unreliable form of communication.

CREATIVITY:

Are you and your partner thinking outside the box when it comes to your relationship?

Generally couples that have been together for many years begin to feel a sense of staleness in their relationship. Maybe they have ongoing conflict and difficulty resolving it, or maybe they simply feel like they’ve lost the passion and excitement they once had. You have been married for 10 years… Or maybe even just two years… ask yourself these questions…  Is the relationship still fun and fresh? Are you and your partner getting the most out of your marriage? When this happens to a couple, whether they’ve been together for 20 years or two years, the partners begin to grow apart and disconnect from each other and to fix the ongoing problem, many couples end up forcing a solution by pushing harder and ultimately doing the same thing over and over . So many of us are regularly exhausted that it’s bound to detract from the energy we give each other. You and your spouse need to take daily steps in making things work. Be creative and come up with some different ideas about what you can do as a couple, The need is to bring newness in  marriages, bringing flowers, going out for coffee or maybe just a candle light dinner ,an exotic holiday are some of the…..so called investments of a good marriage which are not  always so much possible perhaps thoughtful efforts are a close second to those ultra creative ones picking up dinner on a busy night, offering to help with the kids’ or bedtime routine, or offering to run some errands.

CONSISTENCY:

The success mantra of any marriage is consistency. Show me a relationship where a couple is ALWAYS communicating; ALWAYS romantic; ALWAYS loving; ALWAYS understanding, ALWAYS forgiving. However, all couples long to experience a sense of emotional safety in their marriage, the sense that stability exists between you and your partner, knowledge that you’ll be there for each other when needed. Believing and feeling that your partner is there for you when you need them is emotionally grounding, and can instill you with a sense of hope, connection and comfort that transcends time and location. But this sense of security doesn’t just arise out of thin air. You have to demonstrate to your partner throughout that you are committed and emotionally available to them. Although consistency is hard work in a marriage but it is still worth the struggle for perfection. Physically spending time together can be more healing and effective than you think ,Always and unconditionally being there for each other brings the security which only a marriage can provide.

CANDOR:

Honesty and openness helps build compatibility in marriage. Most of us want an honest relationship with our spouse. Lies or deceit whatever the issue is big or small whether it’s about finances, a secret bank account, or a relationship destroys trust. Your spouse will have a harder time taking you at your word. Even if he or she forgives the dishonesty, it will be more difficult for them to trust you with the things they value. It can be like a cloud of uneasiness and tension hanging over your relationship until that trust is restored. Another important reason for couples straying is lack of attention .My take is that no wife or husband can justify an affair because they feel as if they are not getting enough attention or they are bored. Infidelity is one of the most difficult issues a couple can face, although it can be overcome. To sum it all marriages can be hard. There are complicated kids to raise in an ever-changing world, bills to pay, jobs that we don’t always love, and unexpected surprises along the way—some good, some bad. You can survive it all—if you can count on one another. Give your marriage the opportunity to thrive by being transparent and trustworthy with your mate .Trust is a precious commodity in a marriage. Neither should men or women simply just accept a loveless relationship in which they feel ignored or cheated.

CARE:

Care in marriage is doing what it takes to make each other happy. It has already been mentioned in consistency, creativity and communication but I wanted to put this in a separate header. I have seen committed marriages with a lot of consistency and communication but they can’t be called happy marriages because of the absence of care. Couples are together all the time but still lonely. Loneliness inside a marriage is a major burden. When you were married, you and your spouse both promised to care for each other, and you expected that care from each other. You were in love, and you were highly motivated to make each other happy. But it might not have occurred to you at the time that if you didn’t care for each other the right way, you might lose your love for each other. And along with your loss of love, you might lose your willingness to care for each other .Caring for each other is the best ways to show you love each other. It keeps couples together not because they are in marriage but because they want and enjoy being with each other

 

 

 

 

 

With globalization and capitalism, the world is moving fast these days, and the workplace has become a very stressful environment for most people. Main reasons for stress at workplace are, not getting enough time for private life, uncertainty of future, lack of financial security, and an annoying boss among others.

The word stress is commonly used in everyday language, but it is often ill defined or misunderstood. Some argue that an over-usage of the word means stress is trivialized and has lost its recognition as significant cause of ill health but the fact is that it is a major epidemic.  An American poll found that 89% of respondents had experienced serious stress at some point in their lives. The threat from stress is perceived so strongly in Japan that the Japanese even have a word for sudden death due to overwork, ‘karoushi’.

A number of studies have linked stress with conditions such as heart disease, hypertension, diabetes, depression and anxiety. Work-related stress has overtaken musculoskeletal disorders as the main cause of absence and ill health in the work sector .The stress at workplace can lead to loss of interest in work, strained relationship with family and friends, keeps us awake at night, and we feel annoyed most of the time of the day.

 

10 stress management hacks one needs to adopt to reduce stress at work:

1. Exercise

If you want to ward off stress, then there is no better thing to do than to set aside some time of your day to exercise. Exercise not only will help you reduce occupational stress, but boost your self-esteem, keep anxiety and depression at bay, and improve your sleep.

 

2. Eat well

The food you eat is directly linked to how you feel during the day. Eating healthy and well balanced meals reduces stress. Therefore, do not compromise your meals for work, because eating healthy breakfast and lunch will ensure that your productivity during the day increases. Avoid too much consumption of coffee, cheese, sugar, soft drinks, alcohol, butter, etc.

 

 

 

3. Don’t compromise on Sleep

Remember the time when you had too much office work pending, that you had to work late till midnight, and you couldn’t get proper sleep? Well, you will also remember how stress and irritated you were the next day. It is important to make sure that you get proper sleep at night, otherwise your productivity on the next day will be low, and your work stress will be high. Most people feel refreshed and stress-free in the morning when they have slept for 7 -9 hours at night.

4. Keep your Priorities Straight

There are days when we are overburdened with tasks—work on the 10 pending files on office desk, take the kids to school, take mom to the doctor, attend a conference, and what not. When this happens, the chaos can lead to a lot of workplace stress. In such situations, it is better to prioritize tasks that which thing is more important than the other, and then decide what we have to do first and what needs to be skipped. This is of course not always possible, but many times this can really make our life easier. Learn to say “no” to people when you can’t do what they need of you due to compelling reasons.

5. Don’t take everything personally

Don’t take all the criticism or comments as an attack on your personality. A lot of criticism is only aimed at pointing out that what we have done is not the best of our work, and there’s a scope for improvement, so don’t take offence.

6. Don’t be so hard on yourself

Many times, we are overly critical of ourselves and have lower value of self in our own perspective. This can be devastating and lead to a lot of stress at work or otherwise.

 

7. Take small breaks and recharge your batteries

Working for long stretched hours can increase your stress and lower your interest. Make sure you take small breaks, take a deep breath, talk to someone for a minute, or listen to your favorite song, every few hours or so.

8. Don’t give in to Bullying

Bullying is not just a playground thing for toddlers. If your boss or a colleague is bullying you at workplace, confront them, or complain to a superior or Human Resources. If nothing works, it may be the time to change your job.

9. Take time out for social life

Yes, you are right; it is easier said than done. But spending time with family and friends is the best way to cope up with stress and being happy. Make sure you take time out for your family on weekly basis.

• Keep calm and Accept, Adapt, and Avoid

We cannot always control how things are. In such cases, it is best to accept what can be accepted, adapt to everything we can adapt to, and avoid what cannot be accepted or adapted to. This will make your life at workplace a lot easier, and reduce your stress.